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05 August 2010 @ 06:58 pm
so this happened, apparently.  
Wuthering Bites

The website copy:

"What if the enigmatic hero of one of our most timeless love stories was part vampire? The answer lies in this haunting retelling of the classic tale of Catherine and Heathcliff, kindred spirits bound by a turbulent—and now forbidden—passion…

When a young orphan named Heathcliff is brought to Wuthering Heights by the manor’s owner, Mr. Earnshaw, rumors abound. Yet the truth is more complicated than anyone could guess. Heathcliff’s mother was a member of a gypsy band that roamed the English countryside, slaying vampires to keep citizens safe. But his father was a vampire. Now, even as Heathcliff gallantly fights the monsters who roam the moors in order to protect beautiful, spirited Catherine Earnshaw, he is torn by compassion for his victims—and by his own dark thirst.

Though Catherine loves Heathcliff, she fears the vampire in him, and is tempted by the privileged lifestyle their neighbors, the Lintons, enjoy. Forced to choose between wealthy, refined Edgar Linton and the brooding, increasingly dangerous Heathcliff, she makes a fateful decision. And soon Heathcliff, too, must choose—between his hunger, and the woman he will love for all eternity…"
Neaneadods on August 5th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC)
When will this nightmare be over?
tempestsarekind: wtf?tempestsarekind on August 5th, 2010 11:29 pm (UTC)
I wish I knew! I honestly can't believe that this trend has gone on for as long as it has.
Neaneadods on August 5th, 2010 11:51 pm (UTC)
Neither can I.
the love song of j. aimee prufrocke: btvs | i beg your pardon?faeriemaiden on August 5th, 2010 11:24 pm (UTC)




(Focusing on smaller things that drive me crazy help my head from COMBUSTING ALL OVER THE ROOM.)
tempestsarekind: your strange behavior puzzles marthatempestsarekind on August 5th, 2010 11:29 pm (UTC)
Hee! I think my favorite bit is the part where they feel the need to tell us that Cathy "fears the vampire in him." Because that's what you do when you're not Bella Swan an idiot.

...Though really! I mean, vampires wouldn't exactly need to turn people if they could just have vampire babies, now would they? (I think I just read a summary of book that had a heroine who was part witch and part vampire. Apparently this is a thing now.)

Edited at 2010-08-05 11:32 pm (UTC)
the love song of j. aimee prufrocke: seeker | cara is scepticalfaeriemaiden on August 5th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
Fn-- bluh-- *sputter* How can you be part witch? That would be tantamount to being part dentist or part loan shark.

Though I would kind of like to read the YAs about high-schoolers struggling with their part puzzle hobbyist and rabbit farmer lingeage: "I TRY SO HARD, BUT I CANNOT DENY MY NATURE, NOT EVEN FOR YOU. I WANT TO, BUT I CANNOT! I AM TOO LOW FOR ANY HUMAN TO ASSOCIATE WITH." "Michael, why is there a rabbit in here?"
tempestsarekind: viola giggletempestsarekind on August 6th, 2010 12:35 am (UTC)
"I cannot control my dark longings to breed rabbits!" *weeps*

I myself am apparently destined for postal work--nay, I am a princess of the purest lineage, since my parents met while working at the post office. I've tried to deny it, but eventually blood will out, and I'll wake up on some birthday not long from now, effortlessly spouting secret philatelic knowledge. And then I'll have to go on the run from those who would see this country's postal system destroyed. It will all be very exciting.
poisoninjest: laurence olivierpoisoninjest on August 5th, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)
The funny thing is that it doesn't seem markedly different from the original.
tempestsarekind: i love freema's bunny facetempestsarekind on August 6th, 2010 12:27 am (UTC)
Well, there's that part where Heathcliff is apparently "gallant" and feels compassion for his victims. I think that's a bit different!
the cold genius: facepalm by poisoninjestangevin2 on August 6th, 2010 12:34 am (UTC)
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Heathcliff is obviously a werewolf. THEY'RE DOING IT WRONG.
tempestsarekind: books and flowerstempestsarekind on August 6th, 2010 12:37 am (UTC)
But everyone knows that vampires are so much sexier and more dangerous than werewolves! Vampires could kill you at any time, not just once a month--and what right-thinking girl wouldn't want that?
the cold geniusangevin2 on August 6th, 2010 05:06 am (UTC)

Heathcliff could kill you at any time! It's only once a month that he's likely to EAT YOU. ;)
tempestsarekind: freema squeetempestsarekind on August 6th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Hee! I stand corrected.
Magistrix Texan: #@%&#%!!erstwhiletexan on August 6th, 2010 01:36 am (UTC)
tempestsarekind: free radicals and tanninstempestsarekind on August 6th, 2010 07:48 pm (UTC)
That is basically how I feel about all of these books. Every time I see or hear about a new one, my brain goes straight into DOES NOT COMPUTE mode.
La Reine Noire: Epic Faylelareinenoire on August 7th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)

It involved werewolf!Heatcliff, vampire!Linton, and zombie!Cathy. I want this trend to be over LAST YEAR.
tempestsarekind: books and flowerstempestsarekind on August 7th, 2010 09:12 pm (UTC)
I want this trend to be over LAST YEAR.

Argh, I know. I get that these books must be cheap to produce, since the originals are in the public domain and I can only imagine that the writers get paid less for them than for manuscripts of original material. But the joke was already really thin with P&P&Z--are there truly enough people buying these things to make it worthwhile?

Cathy would make an excellent zombie, though. :)
La Reine Noire: Austen - Venting Spleenlareinenoire on August 7th, 2010 11:22 pm (UTC)
But the joke was already really thin with P&P&Z--are there truly enough people buying these things to make it worthwhile?

I have absolutely no idea! I see these books everywhere and I'm so damned sick of them all.

Hee, yes, she would make a great zombie! It brings a whole new meaning to her trying to get into Lockwood's room, no? Braaaaaaaaains...
tempestsarekind: very few dates in this historytempestsarekind on August 7th, 2010 11:26 pm (UTC)
She's not cold; she's hungry!